A fathers advice
xxxx
As I write this you are still young.
It's 1.12. 2009 - so I haven't given this to you yet - and I won't until the time is right.
I am stereotyping a lot below I know ... but sometimes clichéd archetypes and the like are so because they have become so real and embedded ... So here goes ...
Remember that 'Sentiment' not sentimentality is an integral quality for any sensitive being to own or to feel. It is a feeling we grow into more comfortably as we age.
The concept of sentiment and realisation is a way of absorbing the myriad of emotional experiences we encounter. A way of accepting, calibrating or understanding these encounters with evolving perspective and empathy ... and 'realising' or sensing that ones growth, in itself, becomes an emotive thing.
As we grow we actually become more tuned to the importance or resonance of life, of our relationships and of the surprises. When young we are still largely absorbing new encounters - processing them. This takes time. As we age we become more attuned to the richness of our own selves, our impacts with others - and our ecologies.
Sentimentality as a coating, used by the media, bad films , bad poems, bad songs, a sugar coating, can demean real sentiment and insight - and dilute that which is truly worthy of our emotion and feeling.
Sentiment and sincerity are, I believe, still noble values to own in our vain, cynical and Political society - we should strive to embrace the unfashionable openness of true sentiment and sincere feeling - much much more as individuals and collectively - celebrate love and the support and appreciation of others -an 'optimism' for the possibilities for ourselves and others.
Yet, don't be too trusting - walk away when you see indifference, envy and jealousy in others - self entitlement too - defensive insecure traits which are out there in force - sadly embedded in many people. The only time you don’t walk away from these people is if they are in your care as students or very valued friends or close family - and then you must be often very very patient.
To hold such ideals is far from soft or innocent - a slant remark often directed at the term Romanticism by cynics. Such connection and cultural awareness to your roots enables a self confidence to be open and candid - we develop a verbal appreciation for the ecologies we encounter and inhabit. It also shows belief in the power of intuition, chance, risk and change.
The movement was rooted in the German ‘Sturm und Drang’ romantisicm movement an earthy instinctive outdoor northern european tradition - rather than the more pretty Victorian traditions of beauty. Emily Bronte felt it.
Do study Northern European Romanticism. It was embodied most strongly in the visual arts, music, and literature, but had a major impact on historiography, education, the social sciences, and the natural sciences - the dissenting works of Blake, Goethe, Casper David Friedrich, Goya, - poets from Novalis to Burns to Bronte- the Irish Celt Seamus Heaney, to Plath and Hughes.
Good will and adventure is always rewarded - not least the reward of you knowing one has tried - so always do try to maintain a faith in youthful Political resistance and idealism as and when you grow worn down by the system - which you will. Overcome this cynicism and recall your ideals and beliefs once again. Inspire others.
Fight to dismiss the dangers of repression and of all heavy handed authority and control.
The 'otherness' of an independent random thinking mind does not always gel with the polar opposite of the tidy logical mind - and history is littered with these conflicts ( read Tess by Hardy, Jane Eyre, 'Mutiny on the bounty' and Beau Geste etc).
Yet ultimately the world is better for this flux and friction - the yin and yang ... and such evaluation or conflict helps define who we all are, in our own minds, and what we choose to then be and do.
And I for one, would certainly want a skilled straight logical mind steering all our sons and daughters carriages and aircraft safely home on late stormy nights or that same sort of surgeons mind mending my back with a butchers blade or scalpel .
So as well as being frustrated by the straight minded and their logical, clinical efficiency, embrace them whole heartedly in workplaces - for we need each other societally and then with mutual respect great duets can often happen.
The jetsam and flotsam of the creative lateral mind is the rebel and artist in history - that required 'opposition' the questioning voice - there are no 'black and white' approaches - mainly because there are so many possible and engaging grey angles to view life and people from - one of which may be to leave things be. To step back. You cannot solve everyone. Look after your self more sometimes too !
Do seek out change and challenge - it can bring reward for the young adventurer and adventuress - but know when to slow down - settle in, sit back and relax - even if that is a difficult thing - but self inventory, reflection and evaluation are important for you in the longer run - even if it hurts - be strong - this may often be for whole years. It's all ok. You'll be better for it.
J.G.Ballard said; '' I would sum up my fear about the future in one word: boring. And that's my one fear: that everything has happened; nothing exciting or new or interesting is ever going to happen again... the future is just going to be a vast, conforming suburb of the soul (but eventually however he grew to understand that this was not his battle - and he too settled in). Which was very ok for him by that stage.
We dig up and brush up our archeological discoveries - our roots and past, in order to understand it but also to reinvent it - to educate ourselves and others and to recycle it forwards into the present and the future
History and awareness of the past - of the 'self' and our sociology is not navel gazing or a soppy nostalgia - it is rather what all our futures are built upon and around ie - our ancestral heritage and our 'anthropology ' - ancestors are all present within us - in a kind of holistic shared genetic evolution - all of us being in the now. A soul or 'mortal coil' that we carry forward and are lucky to inhabit for our mortal time here on earth.
Try to remember and action some of this but never hark back for me, nor for the past, for it is has gone for a reason and the reason is your current 'now' - so seek to embrace that and smile back at me as at an old wise companion. ( or dog xxx :)
Don’t let my ageing or passing be a sad thing to you.
Live your life to its safe limits - but carefully, in no rush. Don't give yourself away to those who are not loving. Don't seek attention nor approval from others, nor onlookers. Be confident in who you are and proud of that.
Plan a little, but live in the present as much as you can. Don't chase material things you don’t need.
Gently embrace your past as part of you as you age ... keep it close to hand too for moments of reflection and self awareness, for research, and for pleasure but never have regrets.
Without your mistakes you cannot become as self aware and compassionate as you will now become.
If we are creative in our lives then we contribute - be it with a letter, a poem or a painting, a charitable act or incredibly by producing and raising a daughter (or son).
I am proud of this act - forgive and forget those spaces between us sometimes - they just brought us closer together. I am so very proud of you all. So just as the Poem, Song and the Painting lives on - so too the child grows to carry DNA onwards and forwards into future times (genuine time travel).
Me, annoyingly :) faults and all, in there with you, kind of thing .....that molecular DNA we own doesn't actually ever stop travelling forwards. (or sideways through time :)
We soften as we age - soften to the acceptance of our part. This greater empathy and acceptance allows strong and considerate awareness and perception and hopefully greater care and teaching on our part - and a greater degree of altruism too.
We also rise to the challenge as we age of a collective importance , and the importance of empowering others with our own experiences and infusing others with their own self confidence .... to go on and discover their own traits, loves and makings .... and to also fight the ignorance of racism, sexism, insularity, tyranny, false authority, chauvinism, and the unfortunate malaise of 'controlling' others. Never allow yourself to be controlled by controlling Men or Women. Seek to settle it personally first but then walk away if it fails.
In love - a mutual wearing of pants is the best way. A fluidity of Alpha & Beta where and when appropriate. Give out masculine and feminine qualities. Apologise more than you do now to those who matter - those you respect at work or care deeply about. Aim for real integrity - loyalty - don't 'people please' - don't try to appease unworthy people. Far better to say nothing - avoid conflict and walk your own away. You will be respected for this - by your self. Be your self and be sincere.
There is plenty of time to do many things, so dont get anxious or stressed about time scales or feel restricted - or about ageing. Relax about the illusion of stress - it is self inflicted - insist on rest - but always see a specialist in cognitive therapy if you ever must - it is important, but be discreet, you may be judged by some.
Step back into natural habitats when you need peace - try to always visit and live there for good periods - to absorb it and be part of Nature - be with trees and bird song, pets - sea, hills and sky and do this when you have grown wise and tired of the commercial and capitalist wall that Man has built between you and our fragile ecology. Read a good book about Biophilia (Wilson) and go Jump over the wall again ( do it in your favourite shoes, pants and dress if you like - but Jump the wall ) like you always did into the fields.
Remember I am always here with you - even if I am past (it) :)
love xxxx
